Abbott & Costello today!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by John Brooks, Aug 26, 2004.

  1. John Brooks

    John Brooks Well-Known Member

    If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were around today their infamous sketch "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:


    ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
    COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about
    buying a computer.

    ABBOTT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: Your computer?
    COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

    ABBOTT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: What about Windows?
    COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

    ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
    COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

    ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
    COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

    ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
    COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
    proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?

    ABBOTT: Office.
    COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

    ABBOTT: I just did.
    COSTELLO: You just did what?

    ABBOTT: Recommend something.
    COSTELLO: You recommended something?

    ABBOTT: Yes.
    COSTELLO: For my office?

    ABBOTT: Yes.
    COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

    ABBOTT: Office.
    COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

    ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
    COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm
    sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

    ABBOTT: Word.
    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: Word in Office.
    COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

    ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
    COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some
    straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

    ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
    COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
    business. Just tell me what I need!

    ABBOTT: Real One.
    COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch

    ABBOTT: Of course.
    COSTELLO: Great! With what?

    ABBOTT: Real One.
    COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

    ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
    COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

    ABBOTT: The blue "1".
    COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

    ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!

    ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
    COSTELLO: It is?

    ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It Pretty
    much wiped out all the other Words out there.
    COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

    ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of
    COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping?
    You have anything I can track my money with?

    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

    ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
    COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Money.
    COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
    COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

    ABBOTT: One copy.
    COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

    ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
    COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

    ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!


    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
    COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
    ABBOTT: Click on "START"..........
  2. rightnowmusic

    rightnowmusic Member

    Excellent !!!

    And so True !
  3. flugelgal

    flugelgal Active Member

    Wunderbar! When you are used to using a computer you forget what it must be like for those people who didn't grow up with some form of computer!