50 Things You'd Never Have Known If It Wasn't For The Movies

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Dave Payn, Dec 15, 2003.

  1. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Following on from James Yelland's TV Ads guide, something similar.

    - If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

    - If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

    - All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

    - Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

    - The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

    - You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

    - Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

    - The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

    - People in films never finish their drinks.

    - A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

    - When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

    - If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

    - Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

    - During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

    - Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

    - Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

    - A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

    - If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

    - Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

    - Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

    - All single women have a cat.

    - Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

    - Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

    - One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

    - Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

    - If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello?, Hello?"

    - Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

    - It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

    - When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

    - Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.

    - Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

    - When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

    - Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.

    - No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

    - If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.

    - You can always find a chain saw whenever you're likely to need one.

    - Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

    - Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.

    - All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

    - It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

    - Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.

    - Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.

    - A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
  2. Straightmute

    Straightmute Active Member

    Rule number one in films: when being chased, always make for the highest point in the building.
  3. Accidental

    Accidental Supporting Member

    In New York you can always...
    -get a cab
    -cross the road without getting run over
    -read by the light of the flashing neon sign directly outside your window
    -walk through the city without being mugged, tripping over beggars or stepping in dog poo

    Spaceships always make lots of noise and burn well when they explode...even in the vacuum of space

    Almost every alien species looks exactly like humans, with just a few extra knobbly bits on their noses/foreheads, breathes oxygen and speaks perfect english

    If you're being chased by a large object (tank/large stone ball etc etc), you're more likely to escape by running in front of it than by stepping sideways!
  4. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    in Bed the covers will always reach the armpits of the female, but the waist of the male partner ...
  5. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    . . . but if they do get out of the bed, the man will have his back to the camera at all times :oops:
  6. Keppler

    Keppler Moderator Staff Member

    what sort of films are you watching Peter?

    all hackers can type at 4 millions code words per second, decrypt 1024 bits security algorithms, and automatically have a mucho cool user-interface.
  7. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

    When good is triumphing over evil, any crimes you commit will be null and void from any legal procedings.

    Every woman always wears lacy underwear.

    Only bad parents spank their children. Good ones just ground them indefinately.

    ***and from brassed off***
    Bands don't need to warm up or tune in order to sound good. Or need cases.
  8. The Cornet King

    The Cornet King Active Member

    People walking their dog think nothing of two guys standing on an abandoned car floating in the middle of a canal...(Full Monty)...

    People always have their clothes on hand for when they step out of bed.

    People getting out of bed have impeccable hair styles..(unlike mine in a morning! :lol: )

    It is possible to travel from the White cliffs of Dover to Hadrians Wall on foot in less than 12 hours if your name is Robin Hood...
  9. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

    Just to clarify that last one for the tourist....

    Dover....Europe side, south end??
    Hadrien's Wall.....Cornwall area??????

    I don't know!!!! :lol:
  10. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Dover is at the narrowest part of the English Channel, hence it being one of the main ferry crossings; Hadrian's Wall was built by the Romans to prevent incursions from the wild northern tribes - nearer to Newcastle than Scotland, but to the north of the country, whereas Cornwall is the extreme South-West
  11. Accidental

    Accidental Supporting Member

    And apparently...
    we wear uniform to rehearsals
    decent instruments only cost a couple of hundred quid
    the National media CARES who wins at the RAH!!
  12. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

    I remember when Dad and I saw Brassed Off, he cucked a darkie about how much he paid for Bessie.
  13. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

    Newcastle is south of me!!! :p

    Sorry, Australian humour. We have a Newcastle too.
  14. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Rather the reverse of this, there's a cops and robbers film made in the 60s where the robbers drive with their loot to a railway station, board a train and travel for an hour or so before disembarking and going off in a different car - except that the two stations used in the film were both in Windsor :shock:

    Two companies were in competition to provide rail travel for Queen Victoria, so Riverside is modelled on Waterloo whilst Central is based on Paddington, and they are both frequently used as substitutes in films.
  15. asteria

    asteria Member

    Spiders and mice have the ability to make all women stand on stools and scream loudly

    If you are walking through a shopping centre or busy street the crowds will part naturally for you, unless you are chasing after an evil villain.

    The weather is always sunny, torrential rain or thick snow, nothing in between.

    It is a normal thing and not considered at all strange to burst into song spontaneously. Passers-by will start dancing and a full orchestra will accompany you.

    It is entirely possible to roll over the bonnet of a car without getting hurt or looking like a prat.

    If you tell someone you love them just as you leave the house they will most probably die before the day is out.

    Anyone can jump between skyscrapers in New York

    They also had wristwatches

    If your life is in mortal danger, don't panic - your enemy will always tell you his entire plan and life story thus enabling you to mastermind your escape

    Nobody needs lessons to drive a bus/lorry/motorbike, and there will always be one conveniently at your disposal in times of need

    All brass instruments sound like trumpets or sousaphones and any combination of valves will produce the correct tune
  16. Accidental

    Accidental Supporting Member

    he whatted a what?!!!

    And beautifully washed and cut hair
  17. The Cornet King

    The Cornet King Active Member

    Unlike the Full Monty (me going on bout this film again! :oops: ) where if you watch the ginger guy (who's name i have forgotten) play Amazing grace on the cornet...he actually puts down the correct valves!

    p.s on the topic of this, it always amazes me how Commander Riker in star Trek (o.k I admit...i'm a BOC!) is able to play the bone and produce a sound while taking a deep breath :? :wink:

    Another piece of useless information to flow from my puny brain! :wink:
  18. asteria

    asteria Member

    And who's bessie?! :?

    Think there was a real band in The Full Monty tho, which explains his ability to play the cornet! (assuming he wasn't an actor there, sure someone will tell us the band, they were conducted by Duncan Beckley i remember)
  19. stephen2001

    stephen2001 Member

    It was the Asda Stocksbridge Band which appeared in The Full Monty.
  20. The Cornet King

    The Cornet King Active Member

    It was the actor who played the cornet and not a bandmember. Must have got expert tuition from Stocksbridge. :D